what was it?

somehow they couldn't see coincidence in priya's sudden grown affinity with the wash room and the new guy who joined the marketing department two days back. keeping herself made up was what she was not really known for in the company.

but there was someone who knew what was happening. the pharmacist. priya had diarrhea.

another story of finding love

caution: profanity galore

~~~

a to his friend b

chu***a bandiya tu patata nahi hain
intelligent bandiya teri g**nd maar leti hain
tu bas m*th maar

the cult following

jimmy asked shanti if she was a feminist.

shanti really did not understand the meaning and tried to judge his intent instead. jimmy sensed the hitch but could not catch it when she said no.

he hired her to be his housemaid.

:D

she was the truth

he never said anything that was true to her. never when he held her hands, never when he held her in hands, never when he kissed her lips, never when the images on the movie screen flicked, never when he untangled her hair, never when she meddled with his hair, never when she was cooking for him, never when they were eating the single ice cream; not even whenever she cried, he would never forget she looking angelic bleary eyed

today he said it for the first time, the absolute truth - bye

a survey on pleasure

according to a survey the following are most irritating incidents while sex:-

1. morning alarm
2. head banging on the head post
3. unyielding knot in the string of the pajamas
4. not able to find condoms in the usual drawer
5. kid crying inconsolably

looking for love

sanjana was betrothed to mukki when their engagement broke. she caught some infection and all her hair fall. baldness is bigger than love. then along came jaggi, infact his father did, with his demand of huge dowry. sanjana got married to jaggi. she was touched to know that jaggi was sorry not because she was bald but because his father demanded money. she didn't know even if money can't, probably dowry can buy love.



~~

to hell with editing. i am lazy. no 55's even this time.

a bold fashion decision gone wrong

yesterday i bought a pair of v-shape underwear and i shall tell you what a horribly wrong decision it has been. worse than the worst decision of my life when i resigned from a company without serving them a notice and faced what all followed thereafter.

i don't really know where or why the inclination came. but i wasn't really expecting to timidly sit the day through in office after my adventure with fashion. i have always wore the trunks and apart from being comfortable they provide a sense of drape, which is very much missing in the case of vees. you feel naked even when wearing trousers and your hands now and then go to your thighs to check out if that is indeed the case.

i now respect you girls majority of who i believe prefer vees. or probably, in retrospect, they don't have a choice...

the demands of love

suresh's girlfriend asked him to think a creative way to tell her that he miss her and it is painful. she demanded creativity after watching airtel's new advertisement, though.

suresh, could think of nothing else; he ate hot and spicy mutton curry in the lunch and dinner too.

he satisfied his girlfriend, thanks to constipation.


~~~


i am at work, thus the express editing; please tell me if you find mistakes

different eyes

in a party sanjay gave his seat to a girl, but he didn't know that a lot of eyes were on him


[teenage] shilpa - what gallantry! i wish i was sitting there

[nympho] mala - how sexy, i wonder why wouldn't i ask him to take me after that

[feminist] jaya - the asshole thinks the girl can't stand

[suspecting] ruchi - i am sure he just want to look down poor girl's cleavage

[mcp basher] priya - good for him, what was he thinking of himself, he couldn't have had the seat for long anyways

[maternal] sangita - i wish i had such a considerate kid for my little girl

conversations around tea

this is an old post which i wrote earlier, but didn't post it and now it is irrelevant as om has already arrived but haven't took me to the tea shop

bhai log om aa raha hai parso; sec 37, tea shop pe chai pine jayenge. kafi din ho gaye. aunti ke shabdo mein meri tapasya puri ho jayegi. uski shaadi ho jayegi to fir wo akela mere sath chai pine nahi jayega...

~~
below is the story:-
~~

overheard at the tea shop:-

college boys

boy: new girl... look at her flippin' awesome boobs man
friend: where else dude


college boys in formals [probably freshers or newcomers to the working world]

boy: they bloody call themselves the number one company in the world, and have more benches than work desks, hell! i am shit bored being on the bench yaar, and on the top of it not a single cute face...
friend/colleague: i know...


executives in suits in their early 30's

guy: this ice tea is crap dude. this new girl that the stupid HR shifted to my project, that too without my consent; i ask her to think of a design which could leverage our old project learning, and she winks at me: boss, you take care of the designs and i would take care of the leverage part. such fucking audacity man, but i guess with that body she can get away with anything. you know what man, my mom got me married so early... hell!
friend: [day dreaming]


middle aged men
man: if the quality of ice tea keeps going down like this, i guess, i will be better off sipping jonny at some pub
friend: but somehow the quality of females here is inversely proportional to the taste of the tea


retired folks

elderly folk: how much commotion these kids make these days...
elderly friend: don't bother me a bit. these girls sound to me like birds chirping collectively

the faith is damaged

i am considering suing the popular media that has been misleading me into committing certain acts that has been damaging for my faith in human intelligence and my commercial interests.

if the above fact doesn't make sense to you then please read on for what inspired me to bet my hard earned [left over] money on my plight.

i was neither offered to have sex with a hot and fresh babe in authentic bengali drape nor did any firangi chick attempted to lick/bit my right buttock in a public place to my supreme delight even after using wild stone and axe brand of deodorants repeatedly.

~~

please have a look at the labels of this story before judgmental assumptions:D

the family at a premium

"you again forgot to bring timmy's new set of teethers", priya was brimming with as much rage as irritation. it has been third day since neeraj has forgot to bring them. neeraj realised his mistake but he couldn't even blame himself, for it has been a month since he was on bench. his company was on laying off spree. he was busy saving his job and trying to find something for himself in the shrinking market and trying to save priya from additional stress other than taking care of her first toddler.

neeraj wished he could just get a break. probably to goa. both of them have always loved being in goa. he knew they will fall in love with each other all over again. not that there was any distance between them deep down. But timmy, their bundle of love seem to have reserved all for himself.

the whirlwind of these thoughts was broken by a shriek that stunned neeraj and priya, herself, too. even timmy stopped fiddling with his cookie. "have you gone deaf, neeraj, do you even love me anymore to hear what i am going hoarse saying here?". priya didn't really mean her words. and what escaped her throat surprised herself too.

neeraj flinched. she felt the rage inside her melting, but at a very slow pace. suddenly, neeraj grabbed her shirt's collar drew her near and before she could think planted his lips all over hers'. the pace of her melting rage quickened.

her smile

it has always been so with them, he thought - even with room full of people he could be alone with her. another lovable thing about her was that she never cringed on his touch, no matter how many heads may turn.

but today was different. she was smiling to him. and he could touch her hair. but he was empty inside and he cried and wondered why was she all alone when she died.


~~

not a 55. jitni mushkil kuch comic likhne mein hoti hai utni hi kuch serious mein hoti hai

an excellent student

i don't understand why was i asked to roam around the school playground, check out those junior high girls in extra short skirts and brag to my favorite teacher how interesting did i find reading in the library to be even when it was a free class, when i was happily asleep at the back.


~~~

it isn't true but i find this 55 to be hugely funny :D

the lovers

it has been some days since i have written a 55. something is itching somewhere.

~~~

after reading the story, renu looked at the picture of the king with more of a glee than scorn. the king was trying to find himself the 14th queen. she couldn't decide if she was pitying the critics or the readers. is having 14 lovers such a big deal, she wondered with a bright smile.


~~~

why can't i write real tearjerkers? not that i know if i can. but it would be fun. or if not tears then something that someone could laugh their asses off after reading.

the farmer

hari happily turned down the offer from a big corporation who wanted to gobble-up his land for peanuts [well golden peanuts, to be honest]. he'd been promised double the loan for the upcoming crop season by opposition party for agitating. he wasn't really dumb like other farmers but he didn't know he was being duped.

~~

today's papers were flashing headlines about tata threatening to pull out of singur. i personally don't favour nano or any other small car that would threaten to break the traffic sanity and add to already smog filled situation. i am not sure if the farmer is going to be benefited. i see 3 cons here:-

1. arable land shrinking
2. farmer going unemployed
3. further environmental imbalance

but i still think we should be going towards green surrounding not grey.

another story

from such close she smelled of something different, although magnetic and strong. he could sense her silent smile from the way her dimples were forming. with his chest brushing her shoulder blades much too regularly he couldn't decide if he should hold her waist or be akimbo. such was the dilemma of the pillion ride.


~~

i ain't paying too much attention on my 55's these days although doing much more hard work. i am probably feeling the heat of self assumed competition.

i have to come up with something that makes me proud.

the explosion

rimi, baby! the words escaped jay's throat. she was from history honors. the most magnificent body he had ever seen. today he couldn't stop himself the moment she placed her lips of his. while rhythmic thrusts he remembered he didn't have any protection on. he exploded, oh shit! what a relief... his dream was broken.


~~

i try never to explain my 55s. but i guess this one might warrant the need. the climax in this one was the portrayal of a literal one :D "shit" - also because jay messed his pajamas and "relief" because he didn't risk becoming a teenage dad now :D

the fine print

it's been six years since she left him the letter that just said - "see ya". her images were flashing across his mind. they were as vivid as incomprehensible. he was trembling when he read it second time today and realised it said "at midnight outside my back door" in fine print on the other side.


~~~

after some unhappy 55s, one that makes me happy

the old road traffic story

fucker, dimag se andha, chutiye ka pattha, landur, pagal ka bacha, ullu ka patha, gaandu [along with the gender change of the 2nd expletive for the bespectacled female] were some compliments for those driving towards him in high beam, that took off ramesh's mouth while he was driving in the well lit single lane road.


~~~

this can be termed as an old story. but i find it unique 55 nonetheless. although it is a pity that this road traffic tragedy has grown so mundane that it is formed as a story.